I'm about to break out in song, specifically So Long, Farewell, from The Sound of Music, but I will refrain (though I do know all the parts and all the waves). It's time for this little blog to go the way of all little blogs everywhere, to the Big Blog Land in the Sky, where it can ramble to its hearts content out in the Green, Green Pastures. Everyone dies, my dears, and The Daze of Us is no exception. There are plenty of stories and silliness for you to read, and though I don't plan on continuing writing on here, I still love getting comments and shout-outs, so keep em coming!
Things this blog has done for me:
given me a voice
found me new friends
gotten me accused of child-hating (good times, good times...)
acquired new jobs
given me an outlet
caused fights
made me think hard
renewed my love for writing
Things this blog has done for you:
delayed your laundry
given you something else to read besides The National Enquirer
However, it's lived its life.
And it was a full life.
Full of giggles, love, silliness, occasional rants, oddball reflections, and a small bit of my heart. Also, copious amounts of cheez-its and bottles of merlot.
Thanks for being a part of it for four years! I would kiss you if I could. Really. You can find me on Facebook if you'd like to stay in touch, read me in MaryJane's Farm, and Home Educating Family Magazine, and naturally, look for my books. Maybe someday there will be a new one ... after all, I have four years of material.
Love to you!
P.S.
The Daze of Us funeral and viewing will be Monday, February 25th, when I shut this puppy down. Wear black veils, puhleeze, and bring chocolate. Until then, peruse your favorite posts and remember: that laundry is not going to ignore itself!
That is all.
'Cept ...
I wuv you.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
why homeschooled ballerinas rock
Once upon a time, there were two homeschooled ballerinas.
It is pretty hard to imagine just how hip they were. Homeschooled AND ballerinas. In the '80s. YES PLEASE.
Anyway, when you're even half as cool as we are, things just come easily. Like, for instance, six months ago Sally Jessy gave me something from her musical player thingy. I think the kids call it an MP3 player. Or an Ipod. Or some such nonsense. She doesn't know what it is either. I think it came free with her phone or something. Anyhoo.
"Make it play music," she says.
"Sure thing," says I. "Hubby, make this magical thing that looks like a tiny fashion plate from my old Barbie Fashion Plates, play music, k? K."
"No can do. The SDcard is empty."
"Say what now? South Dakota?"
"Inside your fashion plate there's another fashion plate. Like a card?"
"Like an ace of spades?"
"Like a computer chip."
"I like chips."
"Never mind. Tell her she gave us an empty card."
"Who put who in the what now?"
*sighs*
So, obviously, technology is dumb and instead of sending back a full whatevertheheckthatwas, I am just sending her these:
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It is pretty hard to imagine just how hip they were. Homeschooled AND ballerinas. In the '80s. YES PLEASE.
 |
| oh sorry. How'd Sally Jessy get in here? |
 |
| Ah, here they are! Two little lookers. Which is hipper: the plaid vest with the turtleneck, or the doily inspired pinafore? Perhaps the giant scrunchy? |
 |
| Sorry about the flash of light. My sister's legs were landing planes. Like the paneling? Oh I know you do. |
 |
| What's more disturbing? The hillbillies on horseback or the fact that I do believe my father has no shirt under his overalls? I need to bleach my eyes now. |
"Make it play music," she says.
"Sure thing," says I. "Hubby, make this magical thing that looks like a tiny fashion plate from my old Barbie Fashion Plates, play music, k? K."
"No can do. The SDcard is empty."
"Say what now? South Dakota?"
"Inside your fashion plate there's another fashion plate. Like a card?"
"Like an ace of spades?"
"Like a computer chip."
"I like chips."
"Never mind. Tell her she gave us an empty card."
"Who put who in the what now?"
*sighs*
So, obviously, technology is dumb and instead of sending back a full whatevertheheckthatwas, I am just sending her these:
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Sunday, January 20, 2013
fifty shades of me
So, I released a book called Shadows Gray. At the same time, some woman released a book called 50 Shades of Gray. I sold like, two copies. She sold like, six squillion and counting.
Sometimes someone buys my book and promptly returns it for a refund. I can just picture them yelling,
hey! what the heck! where's all the naughty bits? boy, cousin Tilly has the worst taste ever in erotica. that's the last time I listen to her; she probably gets all hot and bothered over Sweet Valley Twins.
Anyway, I have a few friends who read it, and a few friends who would NEVER read it, and a few friends who don't read anything, so they're out of the equation.
I didn't have any interest in reading it, per se, but I had just gotten my Kindle and I was getting the hang of downloading free books.
Free kindle books. This could be a blog post all its own. And it will be soon, I think. I shall title it The Warrior's Werewolf and His Submissive Amish Zombie Lover; the Novella, Part 4.
For a time, amazon was offering the first couple of chapters of 50 Shades for free. So, I downloaded it out of curiosity. Now, I'm not just saying this out of petty jealousy for a woman who became a squillionaire for being a smut writer, but it was pretty boring, badly written stuff.
Rolling my eyes, I felt dumb for having it on my kindle.
Then, I realized: I had it on my kindle.
The kindle that my kids played Angry Birds on. The kindle that my husband peruses when everyone else has the remote control. That kindle.
I didn't want them to see 50 Shades on that kindle!
Feverishly, I went to get it off. But getting rid of kindle books is nothing like dropping off your unwanted paperbacks anonymously at the Goodwill! I had just gotten this kindle, remember, and I'm about as tech-y as your average garden gnome. I can barely cut and paste.
I start tapping the touch screen of the blasted device in various patterns. Perhaps if I touch the right spot, it will give me the option to "delete forever from this device and your memory" but alas. I played the opening lines of the theme to the Young and the Restless, which was the only piano song I ever learned, but no. It was still there, mocking me. I could almost hear the Church Ladies marching up my step. They were going to burst into my bedroom! They were going to pray for my wayward soul (again. So awkward). I'd be fired from my job with children! I'd be left by my husband who thought he married a Good Girl!
The tapping wasn't working, so I tried to find the owner's manual. Evidently, the owner's manual is IN the kindle, but I didn't know that at the time. Well played, amazon, well played.
I decide to ask google. I fire up the trusty laptop and type deleting mommy porn from an ereader before anyone finds out.
The laptop FREEZES. I repeat, IT FREEZES WITH THAT OH-SO CRIMINAL SENTENCE IN THE SEARCH ENGINE. It won't minimize the page, it won't close, the laptop won't even turn off. I am going to hell in a hand basket.
The church ladies are getting closer: I can hear them singing Follow the Fold and Stray No More. They are nearly on my lawn! I swear, I have ten heart attacks. I have to get this off my kindle.
I go through the rigmarole of waiting for the laptop to mysteriously stop freezing, which takes about 3 weeks. In the meantime, my kids have grown up without a mother and my husband leaves me for Sarah Brown and the Mission Band. One time, a small child enters my room and I toss the kindle like a Frisbee under my bed. I feel like a teen caught with Playboy. Or a mom caught with 50 Shades of Gray.
Eventually, once the laptop stops teasing me I find what I'm looking for. To delete a book from your kindle, you simply touch the screen a bit longer and the option magically appears. What a relief.
I'm so relieved I eat a pint of ice cream and go to bed in my flannel pjs and team building exercise tshirt and fuzzy socks. I've heard an urban legend that reading 50 Shades of Gray ignited fiery passion in the bedrooms of house wives everywhere, but I certainly don't see how.
Those women are so weird, I swear.
Sometimes someone buys my book and promptly returns it for a refund. I can just picture them yelling,
hey! what the heck! where's all the naughty bits? boy, cousin Tilly has the worst taste ever in erotica. that's the last time I listen to her; she probably gets all hot and bothered over Sweet Valley Twins.
Anyway, I have a few friends who read it, and a few friends who would NEVER read it, and a few friends who don't read anything, so they're out of the equation.
I didn't have any interest in reading it, per se, but I had just gotten my Kindle and I was getting the hang of downloading free books.
Free kindle books. This could be a blog post all its own. And it will be soon, I think. I shall title it The Warrior's Werewolf and His Submissive Amish Zombie Lover; the Novella, Part 4.
For a time, amazon was offering the first couple of chapters of 50 Shades for free. So, I downloaded it out of curiosity. Now, I'm not just saying this out of petty jealousy for a woman who became a squillionaire for being a smut writer, but it was pretty boring, badly written stuff.
Rolling my eyes, I felt dumb for having it on my kindle.
Then, I realized: I had it on my kindle.
The kindle that my kids played Angry Birds on. The kindle that my husband peruses when everyone else has the remote control. That kindle.
I didn't want them to see 50 Shades on that kindle!
Feverishly, I went to get it off. But getting rid of kindle books is nothing like dropping off your unwanted paperbacks anonymously at the Goodwill! I had just gotten this kindle, remember, and I'm about as tech-y as your average garden gnome. I can barely cut and paste.
I start tapping the touch screen of the blasted device in various patterns. Perhaps if I touch the right spot, it will give me the option to "delete forever from this device and your memory" but alas. I played the opening lines of the theme to the Young and the Restless, which was the only piano song I ever learned, but no. It was still there, mocking me. I could almost hear the Church Ladies marching up my step. They were going to burst into my bedroom! They were going to pray for my wayward soul (again. So awkward). I'd be fired from my job with children! I'd be left by my husband who thought he married a Good Girl!
The tapping wasn't working, so I tried to find the owner's manual. Evidently, the owner's manual is IN the kindle, but I didn't know that at the time. Well played, amazon, well played.
I decide to ask google. I fire up the trusty laptop and type deleting mommy porn from an ereader before anyone finds out.
The laptop FREEZES. I repeat, IT FREEZES WITH THAT OH-SO CRIMINAL SENTENCE IN THE SEARCH ENGINE. It won't minimize the page, it won't close, the laptop won't even turn off. I am going to hell in a hand basket.
The church ladies are getting closer: I can hear them singing Follow the Fold and Stray No More. They are nearly on my lawn! I swear, I have ten heart attacks. I have to get this off my kindle.
I go through the rigmarole of waiting for the laptop to mysteriously stop freezing, which takes about 3 weeks. In the meantime, my kids have grown up without a mother and my husband leaves me for Sarah Brown and the Mission Band. One time, a small child enters my room and I toss the kindle like a Frisbee under my bed. I feel like a teen caught with Playboy. Or a mom caught with 50 Shades of Gray.
Eventually, once the laptop stops teasing me I find what I'm looking for. To delete a book from your kindle, you simply touch the screen a bit longer and the option magically appears. What a relief.
I'm so relieved I eat a pint of ice cream and go to bed in my flannel pjs and team building exercise tshirt and fuzzy socks. I've heard an urban legend that reading 50 Shades of Gray ignited fiery passion in the bedrooms of house wives everywhere, but I certainly don't see how.
Those women are so weird, I swear.
The day pinterest set my face on fire
Mix an egg yolk with some honey,
they said.
Use it as a face mask,
they said.
It will smooth your wrinkles, shrink your pores, get rid of fine lines, and make you look like Cate Blanchett,
they said.
Okay, they didn't say that. Whatever.
I mixed it up with all the fervor of Dr. Moreau. (He mixed things, right?)
Then I sank into my gingerbread infused bath as it sat on my face. The concoction, I mean, not Dr. Moreau. That'd be weird! And awkward.
After about five seconds, before I could even crack open my book, my face began to tingle.
Then it burst into flames.
I washed off my yellow slime and wondered if my free ranging, organic, backyard chicken egg was to blame. Maybe this only worked with pale, grain fed, anemic eggs?
In spite of being gone, my face still burned. In fact, it was getting worse. I stole a peek at myself in the mirror. I was not rocking the cranberry color.
Let this be a lesson to us all. There are evil pinterest minions in the world who twirl their mustaches and come up with ridiculous ideas, pin them, then sit back and wait for dummies to try them.
I am that dummy.
I am so reporting this problem to the pinterest board.
Just as soon as I try this DIY ear wax removal.
Ta-ta!
they said.
Use it as a face mask,
they said.
It will smooth your wrinkles, shrink your pores, get rid of fine lines, and make you look like Cate Blanchett,
they said.
Okay, they didn't say that. Whatever.
I mixed it up with all the fervor of Dr. Moreau. (He mixed things, right?)
Then I sank into my gingerbread infused bath as it sat on my face. The concoction, I mean, not Dr. Moreau. That'd be weird! And awkward.
After about five seconds, before I could even crack open my book, my face began to tingle.
Then it burst into flames.
I washed off my yellow slime and wondered if my free ranging, organic, backyard chicken egg was to blame. Maybe this only worked with pale, grain fed, anemic eggs?
In spite of being gone, my face still burned. In fact, it was getting worse. I stole a peek at myself in the mirror. I was not rocking the cranberry color.
Let this be a lesson to us all. There are evil pinterest minions in the world who twirl their mustaches and come up with ridiculous ideas, pin them, then sit back and wait for dummies to try them.
I am that dummy.
I am so reporting this problem to the pinterest board.
Just as soon as I try this DIY ear wax removal.
Ta-ta!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Beauty Routines
If you're like me, you love reading about other people's beauty routines (and you love the color yellow and are scared of shadow boxes) even if you don't consider yourself a fashionista or a regular Carmendy.
97 days ago I started the Curly Girl Method (you can read about my experiment HERE).
Today, I fell off the wagon. Well, a couple days ago I started to slip off the wagon, when I heated up my trusty old wide barrel curling iron. The soft waves instead of kinky curls! I could run my fingers through my hair without them getting stuck. Today, I fell off the rest of the way when I used shampoo for the first time in 97 days.
I had to.
I was turning into Aly Sheedy from The Breakfast Club.
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Vinegar rinses were helping but not enough. No one wants to see a grown housewife scratching her head like she has lice.
All in all, my thoughts on The Curly Girl Method are as follows:
I actually love not using shampoo. I probably will continue NOT using shampoo nine out of ten times. My hair is much softer without it, less coarse, and I think it may even be growing better, cross my fingers and pray the rosary, amen.
I never followed the two conditioner rule. Seemed like a waste of time to me. I also never bothered with the don't-use-a-towel rule, for two reasons: I hate microfiber almost as much as I hate shadow boxes, and when I walked around the house with a tshirt (the other CG preferred method) wrapped around my locks, my husband started to referring to me as "Swami."
I was blow drying, upside down with a diffuser. I was also washing my hair upside down, which gave me a frightening view of Gloria, my muffin top, but also gave me a bit more volume and the curls up top formed better.
Although the curls looked pretty, my hair is not very thick and I was starting to notice scalp peeking through when my hair was "clumping" and curly. Not pretty.
But the main reason I'm only doing the CGM half-@$%ed is because I hate washing my hair everyday and I could not for the life of me get the curls to look decent on Day #2 or 3. If I straighten things out a bit with a wide barrel curling iron, I can go 4 days without washing. And that makes me a happy, happy camper.
Amen.
For cutting your own hair (yes, I do this. I hate getting my hair cut. I find the leaning over backwards while washing excruciatingly painful, hair stylists cannot be trusted with scissors, and I despise staring at myself in a mirror for that long), I recommend Miss CurliLocks video on youtube. I do NOT recommend my son's method:
Other beauty products and hints I've been loving lately:
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Soap. I don't do froufrou body washes. I love, love, LOVE the smell of soap! It's probably bad for my skin but I love the smell of clean. Caress is what my mom has bought for years so it smells like her house, too. A bonus, although if they start making a Scone scent, that'd be an even bigger bonus.
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Tights and boots. Gloria is more comfy in tights and a skirt than she is in jeans most of the time. My boots are black and not these pictured above. I forgot: I have a camera now. I can quit stealing other people's images. For other style ideas I love, try to copy, and drool over, visit my Pinterest style board.
Ulta lip crayon. Moisturizing and not too spendy (especially with a coupon). I've been loving red lately, but that may be due to my heroine, Lizzie, and her red lipstick.
The only deodorant that kept up with my Nutcracker schedule.
.jpg)
Olive oil for face wash. I know I've said it before, but if you aren't using the Oil Cleanse Method, why not? You should.
Also, I've heard good things about detoxing juices and smoothies, and even things like cayenne pepper/apple cider vinegar/honey tonics, for weight loss and such, but I really can't recommend enough my own personal coffee/half and half/sharp cheese/ice cream/merlot tonic. It'll make you live longer and put a glow in your cheeks.
You're welcome.
What are YOUR favorite beauty tricks/products/routines?
97 days ago I started the Curly Girl Method (you can read about my experiment HERE).
Today, I fell off the wagon. Well, a couple days ago I started to slip off the wagon, when I heated up my trusty old wide barrel curling iron. The soft waves instead of kinky curls! I could run my fingers through my hair without them getting stuck. Today, I fell off the rest of the way when I used shampoo for the first time in 97 days.
I had to.
I was turning into Aly Sheedy from The Breakfast Club.
Vinegar rinses were helping but not enough. No one wants to see a grown housewife scratching her head like she has lice.
All in all, my thoughts on The Curly Girl Method are as follows:
I actually love not using shampoo. I probably will continue NOT using shampoo nine out of ten times. My hair is much softer without it, less coarse, and I think it may even be growing better, cross my fingers and pray the rosary, amen.
I never followed the two conditioner rule. Seemed like a waste of time to me. I also never bothered with the don't-use-a-towel rule, for two reasons: I hate microfiber almost as much as I hate shadow boxes, and when I walked around the house with a tshirt (the other CG preferred method) wrapped around my locks, my husband started to referring to me as "Swami."
I was blow drying, upside down with a diffuser. I was also washing my hair upside down, which gave me a frightening view of Gloria, my muffin top, but also gave me a bit more volume and the curls up top formed better.
Although the curls looked pretty, my hair is not very thick and I was starting to notice scalp peeking through when my hair was "clumping" and curly. Not pretty.
But the main reason I'm only doing the CGM half-@$%ed is because I hate washing my hair everyday and I could not for the life of me get the curls to look decent on Day #2 or 3. If I straighten things out a bit with a wide barrel curling iron, I can go 4 days without washing. And that makes me a happy, happy camper.
Amen.
For cutting your own hair (yes, I do this. I hate getting my hair cut. I find the leaning over backwards while washing excruciatingly painful, hair stylists cannot be trusted with scissors, and I despise staring at myself in a mirror for that long), I recommend Miss CurliLocks video on youtube. I do NOT recommend my son's method:
Other beauty products and hints I've been loving lately:
Soap. I don't do froufrou body washes. I love, love, LOVE the smell of soap! It's probably bad for my skin but I love the smell of clean. Caress is what my mom has bought for years so it smells like her house, too. A bonus, although if they start making a Scone scent, that'd be an even bigger bonus.
Tights and boots. Gloria is more comfy in tights and a skirt than she is in jeans most of the time. My boots are black and not these pictured above. I forgot: I have a camera now. I can quit stealing other people's images. For other style ideas I love, try to copy, and drool over, visit my Pinterest style board.
Ulta lip crayon. Moisturizing and not too spendy (especially with a coupon). I've been loving red lately, but that may be due to my heroine, Lizzie, and her red lipstick.
The only deodorant that kept up with my Nutcracker schedule.
Olive oil for face wash. I know I've said it before, but if you aren't using the Oil Cleanse Method, why not? You should.
Also, I've heard good things about detoxing juices and smoothies, and even things like cayenne pepper/apple cider vinegar/honey tonics, for weight loss and such, but I really can't recommend enough my own personal coffee/half and half/sharp cheese/ice cream/merlot tonic. It'll make you live longer and put a glow in your cheeks.
You're welcome.
What are YOUR favorite beauty tricks/products/routines?
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Groceries and Costco and Breastfeeding
I now have too many great grocery stores to choose from! I only live in a small town, but boy howdy, we're blessed with great shops.
We have:
The Grocery Outlet (my favorite)
Winco
Fred Meyer's (everyone claims it's too spendy but honestly, their eggs and almond milk are ALWAYS the cheapest)
Food 4 Less (cheap, but dirty, busy, and I can never find anything)
Trader Joe's (adorable but smallish. Love their tortillas and Two Buck Chuck, though!)
Costco
My parents got me a Costco membership, so now I have to know:
What are the best things to buy at Costco?
Walk me through it, because this was the first and last time I shopped at Costco:
I had just given birth to Gianni-Be-Good. I think it may even have been my first outing. First outings after having a baby are monumental, life changing, desperately needed, and always, always, always, horrible.
We were broke as a joke but everyone kept telling me to use Costco.
You'll save so much money, they said.
It'll be fun, they said.
I spent half my week's budget and only bought toilet paper and milk. I left in tears. I was leaking down my shirt, my body hurt, and when my husband gently asked me to cover up better when nursing (in my car. There were pedestrians walking by) I nearly murdered him in several different ways. The baby was crying, my back hurt from my trendy sling, and I just wanted to never leave my house again.
Hence, the fear of Costco.
I used to love grocery shopping, back when I never left the house. It was like, my only outing. My only reason to wear actual clothing. Now I leave the house quite often, and I'd rather grocery shop LESS, even if it means spending more at once. (Though I may have a heart attack the first time). If you hear a loud scream, it's me.
Do you grocery shop once a week? Twice? Twice a month? I have friends who only go twice a month, but my math has never been good and doubling everything I buy sounds...weird. I just can't imagine my groceries lasting two weeks! Is this possible?
What should I buy at Costco and what should I avoid? I'm the kind of person who will actually go to all those above mentioned stores all in one day, just to get the best price on everything, thus spending five times more on gas. Unless you talk me out of it.
So, please. Thoughts?
We have:
The Grocery Outlet (my favorite)
Winco
Fred Meyer's (everyone claims it's too spendy but honestly, their eggs and almond milk are ALWAYS the cheapest)
Food 4 Less (cheap, but dirty, busy, and I can never find anything)
Trader Joe's (adorable but smallish. Love their tortillas and Two Buck Chuck, though!)
Costco
My parents got me a Costco membership, so now I have to know:
What are the best things to buy at Costco?
Walk me through it, because this was the first and last time I shopped at Costco:
I had just given birth to Gianni-Be-Good. I think it may even have been my first outing. First outings after having a baby are monumental, life changing, desperately needed, and always, always, always, horrible.
We were broke as a joke but everyone kept telling me to use Costco.
You'll save so much money, they said.
It'll be fun, they said.
I spent half my week's budget and only bought toilet paper and milk. I left in tears. I was leaking down my shirt, my body hurt, and when my husband gently asked me to cover up better when nursing (in my car. There were pedestrians walking by) I nearly murdered him in several different ways. The baby was crying, my back hurt from my trendy sling, and I just wanted to never leave my house again.
Hence, the fear of Costco.
I used to love grocery shopping, back when I never left the house. It was like, my only outing. My only reason to wear actual clothing. Now I leave the house quite often, and I'd rather grocery shop LESS, even if it means spending more at once. (Though I may have a heart attack the first time). If you hear a loud scream, it's me.
Do you grocery shop once a week? Twice? Twice a month? I have friends who only go twice a month, but my math has never been good and doubling everything I buy sounds...weird. I just can't imagine my groceries lasting two weeks! Is this possible?
What should I buy at Costco and what should I avoid? I'm the kind of person who will actually go to all those above mentioned stores all in one day, just to get the best price on everything, thus spending five times more on gas. Unless you talk me out of it.
So, please. Thoughts?
Friday, December 28, 2012
BOYS
Boys are a funny breed.
For instance, they answer
Why??
to every question asked.
But if YOU ask THEM
Why??
they will stare at you, blankly, with absolutely no reply.
Let us revisit some of my only son's best antics, shall we?
And then, let us pour Mama a margarita, shall we?
Yes. Yes, we shall.
For instance, they answer
Why??
to every question asked.
But if YOU ask THEM
Why??
they will stare at you, blankly, with absolutely no reply.
Let us revisit some of my only son's best antics, shall we?
And then, let us pour Mama a margarita, shall we?
Yes. Yes, we shall.
 |
| escaping nekked through windows |
 |
| what happens when get high centered |
 |
| first stitches |
 |
| first merlot |
 |
| eating packing peanuts (well, he's allergic to real ones!) |
 |
| getting himself a drink of water at the age of 1 |
 |
| "want some butter, mom?" |
 |
| he always left binkies at the scene of the crime |
 |
| fish murderer |
 |
| Barbie murderer |
 |
| he had Alpo breath for at least two years (I'm not talking about the dog) |
 |
| For an entire yr, he wore backwards pjs because he wouldn't stop with the gratuitous nudity |
 |
| His friend, Q, poses nicely while G makes a mad escape |
 |
| making long distance phone calls |
 |
| I blame his rudeness on his father |
 |
| going through my wallet for loose change |
 |
| nekked jam session |
 |
| sugar high face |
 |
| And the latest: DIY haircutting |
Thursday, December 27, 2012
I Sleep in a Salad Bar
Or at least, it feels like one.
We have a television in our bedroom.
We have kids.
They snack.
You do the math.
Sometimes when I roll over, popcorn kernels - you know, the old maids - go flying across the room and pitter patter across the hardwood floor with alarming noise.
Sometimes, I swear, I have croutons in body places there should not be croutons.
Wrappers between my toes, and gummies between my...well, never mind.
And someone's five year old (I'm looking at you, Mike Williams) colored with a highlighter on my bedspread. With his mother sitting right there, coloring her Megamind page and not even noticing! Can you believe it. Some people's parenting skills. So, now I have orange highlighter all over my bedspread, which is covered nicely by a Lightening McQueen blanket (romantic, I know. I should probably get a photo and pin it on Pinterest so you too can have the sexy getaway we call our boudoir) and food in the sheets.
Ah well. I like to think of the cracker crumbs as an exfoliating scrub that some women would pay upteen dollars for. And the hot cocoa scented pillow cases? Moisturizing and better smelling than the Axe body spray I bought Gianni for Christmas, which I had to hide posthaste because my eyes were bleeding from the odor emitting from his neck, like Pepe le Pew.
Speaking of Christmas, my eldest has inherited my holiday depression: sadness that all this merry making is over which starts around 2 days BEFORE Christmas. We started in with our depression last Saturday, and drank our weight in eggnog as we cried into our cheese ball. We perked up slightly by the sight of our gifts - well, she did anyway. She got a Kindle and I haven't seen her in 3 days now. I hope she's eating. I can just picture her emerging from her bedroom with a Rip Van Winkle beard, a withered old crone. Yes, a crone with a beard! Use your imagination.
In other news, the girls are enjoying school, though of course, they're off right now. In all the sold out theater for Les Mis, Anna was the only kid. I don't know whether other parents feel it was not appropriate for children (I covered her eyes during the prostitute scene) or if kids these days are uncultured ignoramuses. Good think I spelled ignoramuses correctly the first time, or I would have had to delete that whole ironic sentence. Anyway, she was enthralled since she's known every lyric since she was eight. The sequel to Shadows Gray will be out momentarily so naturally, I feel like throwing up. It's like giving birth, except -
nah, it's nothing like giving birth, never mind.
But I am nervous. I hope you'll read it.
I'll leave you with a quote from the G-ster:
Said to his father: "I love you more than Christmas and tacos."
Cora pipes up: "What about me?"
G, thinking hard: "I love you more than ... geckos."
(He only has a slight love for geckos, so no one knows if this is a compliment or an insult).
And looky, looky, what Santa bought me!! A camera!!
" Thank you, baby Jesus, for being born so that I can risk burning down an entire church once a year in your memory." - The prayer of Gianni. Kinda like the Prayer of Jabez, except not.
I love technology...but not as much as you, you see...No, I really love technology more.
What? Chocolate reindeer butts before 7 am? Why, don't mind if I do, old chap!
We have a television in our bedroom.
We have kids.
They snack.
You do the math.
Sometimes when I roll over, popcorn kernels - you know, the old maids - go flying across the room and pitter patter across the hardwood floor with alarming noise.
Sometimes, I swear, I have croutons in body places there should not be croutons.
Wrappers between my toes, and gummies between my...well, never mind.
And someone's five year old (I'm looking at you, Mike Williams) colored with a highlighter on my bedspread. With his mother sitting right there, coloring her Megamind page and not even noticing! Can you believe it. Some people's parenting skills. So, now I have orange highlighter all over my bedspread, which is covered nicely by a Lightening McQueen blanket (romantic, I know. I should probably get a photo and pin it on Pinterest so you too can have the sexy getaway we call our boudoir) and food in the sheets.
Ah well. I like to think of the cracker crumbs as an exfoliating scrub that some women would pay upteen dollars for. And the hot cocoa scented pillow cases? Moisturizing and better smelling than the Axe body spray I bought Gianni for Christmas, which I had to hide posthaste because my eyes were bleeding from the odor emitting from his neck, like Pepe le Pew.
Speaking of Christmas, my eldest has inherited my holiday depression: sadness that all this merry making is over which starts around 2 days BEFORE Christmas. We started in with our depression last Saturday, and drank our weight in eggnog as we cried into our cheese ball. We perked up slightly by the sight of our gifts - well, she did anyway. She got a Kindle and I haven't seen her in 3 days now. I hope she's eating. I can just picture her emerging from her bedroom with a Rip Van Winkle beard, a withered old crone. Yes, a crone with a beard! Use your imagination.
In other news, the girls are enjoying school, though of course, they're off right now. In all the sold out theater for Les Mis, Anna was the only kid. I don't know whether other parents feel it was not appropriate for children (I covered her eyes during the prostitute scene) or if kids these days are uncultured ignoramuses. Good think I spelled ignoramuses correctly the first time, or I would have had to delete that whole ironic sentence. Anyway, she was enthralled since she's known every lyric since she was eight. The sequel to Shadows Gray will be out momentarily so naturally, I feel like throwing up. It's like giving birth, except -
nah, it's nothing like giving birth, never mind.
But I am nervous. I hope you'll read it.
I'll leave you with a quote from the G-ster:
Said to his father: "I love you more than Christmas and tacos."
Cora pipes up: "What about me?"
G, thinking hard: "I love you more than ... geckos."
(He only has a slight love for geckos, so no one knows if this is a compliment or an insult).
And looky, looky, what Santa bought me!! A camera!!
What? Chocolate reindeer butts before 7 am? Why, don't mind if I do, old chap!
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
seasons
Chick Flicks: the Classics Collection
Now ALL of these are family friendly.
Unless you're a man, in which case, they are detrimental to your Man Card qualifications.
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All the Anne of Green Gables from PBS. From the pigtails to Marilla to Diana to the Lady of Shalot to the raspberry cordial, this movie is perfect.
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Oh, Gilbert Blythe...making hearts flutter since 1908...
P.S. Ignore the last one in the series, made years later. It's weird and not based on the real books. Although it probably has some fine moments, I was too confused about the odd plot to notice.
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The Colin Firth (what? was there anyone else in this movie? I didn't think so) miniseries, which is about 45 hours long and worth every bit of it, is the quintessential classic. It made Colin Firth...well, Colin Firth. I mean, Mr. Darcy. They are forever linked, let's put it that way.
The purists aren't as fond of this more recent version with Keira Knightley, but I found it perfectly luscious.
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Of all the Fred and Ginger classics, this was always my favorite. You have no idea how many images of panty liners I had to wade through to find this photo for you, by the way.
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Oh, Jimmy! He made many a fabulous chick flick, but this is my favorite. Hilarious cast and great writing (some days I pretend I'm the writer mom, other days I'm the batty ballerina sister).
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As far as my boy, Cary, goes...well, it's a toss up between His Girl Friday and Bringing Up Baby. Both hilarious. I wuv him ever so much. And the only reason I'm not including Arsenic and Old Lace is because it deserves a blog of its very own.
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And finally, The Thin Man movies:
Myrna Loy and William Powell were awesome. Their witty banter is something I hope for when I'm writing, and also what I base my marriage on. After love and fidelity and Cheez-its, naturally.
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So, there you go! A Christmas list the girls in your life will thank you for.
Unless you're a man, in which case, they are detrimental to your Man Card qualifications.
All the Anne of Green Gables from PBS. From the pigtails to Marilla to Diana to the Lady of Shalot to the raspberry cordial, this movie is perfect.
Oh, Gilbert Blythe...making hearts flutter since 1908...
P.S. Ignore the last one in the series, made years later. It's weird and not based on the real books. Although it probably has some fine moments, I was too confused about the odd plot to notice.
.jpg)
The Colin Firth (what? was there anyone else in this movie? I didn't think so) miniseries, which is about 45 hours long and worth every bit of it, is the quintessential classic. It made Colin Firth...well, Colin Firth. I mean, Mr. Darcy. They are forever linked, let's put it that way.
The purists aren't as fond of this more recent version with Keira Knightley, but I found it perfectly luscious.
.jpg)
Of all the Fred and Ginger classics, this was always my favorite. You have no idea how many images of panty liners I had to wade through to find this photo for you, by the way.
.jpg)
Oh, Jimmy! He made many a fabulous chick flick, but this is my favorite. Hilarious cast and great writing (some days I pretend I'm the writer mom, other days I'm the batty ballerina sister).
.jpg)
As far as my boy, Cary, goes...well, it's a toss up between His Girl Friday and Bringing Up Baby. Both hilarious. I wuv him ever so much. And the only reason I'm not including Arsenic and Old Lace is because it deserves a blog of its very own.
.jpg)
And finally, The Thin Man movies:
Myrna Loy and William Powell were awesome. Their witty banter is something I hope for when I'm writing, and also what I base my marriage on. After love and fidelity and Cheez-its, naturally.
So, there you go! A Christmas list the girls in your life will thank you for.
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