Wednesday, September 30, 2009

happy 1 year anniversary to 3kidadventures

I must have offended people with that last post of my innocent curtain climbers expedition to a beer factory (as is proven by the sad lack of comments), so I will begin this post by saying, there have been absolutely no questionable activities of that particular sort this week here at three kid adventures. No field trips to Ciggarettes R Us, no tatoo parlors, no BYOB potlucks. We did return to said beer factory though, but hey, the clydesdales were out again, and Cora wanted to try out her theory of whether or not one could be shop lifted (that's a no can do, crackerjack). And while I am trying not to complain, I will anyway. If you don't comment sometimes, I don't know if you're reading, and if you're not reading, then why am I writing, and if I'm not writing than I will be forced to do things like clean my house and unload the dishwasher and pay bills and homeschool my kids. And I don't need that kind of stress. And I also don't need to return to my site a sad, sad 15 times a day, hitting the "refresh" button in the hopes that someone loves me enough to say hullo. And besides, it's sort of my blogging anniversary and I expect lots of love.

So after almost a decade of parenting here, I think I am just about qualified to speak "child," so I thought I would share with you my translations, which I do believe are pretty universal to kid-dom:

Mom: No.
Child's translation: Ask again and again, much louder.

Mom: Maybe.
Child's translation: Never in a million years, plus twenty.

Mom: We will talk about this when we get home.
Child's translation: You are going to get it when we get home.

Mom: You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.
Child's translation: You're eating spinach for dinner.

Mom: Go clean your room.
Child's translation: Go clean your room while your siblings get to eat ice cream, ride ponies, and relax.

Mom: Next time.
Child's translation: 5,000 years from now.

Mom: Because I said so.
Child's translation: Because I don't actually have a good reason for making you do this.

Mom: Sit still.
Child's translation: You're about to be bored out of your gourd.

Mom: When I was a kid...
Child's translation: yadda yadda yadda.

Hope this helps you understand the little monkeys; I know the veil has been lifted from my eyes.
My little Luigi is about to turn 2 here very soon, and I am NOT planning a party, and NOT buying him a gift, and NOT lighting candles for him to blow out, because I am NOT ready for this. The little imp has been busy, busy, busy lately. He manages to do the naughtiest things, while being so incredibly adorable, that the urge to duct tape him to a chair only overcomes me a scant few times a day. The other day I was having a sweet moment with him and said softly and with tears in my eyes,
'Are you Mama's boy?'
He kicked me in the shin and ran off shouting, 'Gwamma! Papa!' which I assume meant he was not my boy, but rather his Gwamma and Papa's boy. They can have him, as I am now icing my sore shin.
I think this may be the difference between boys and girls (at least the stereotypical ones): boys are rawther prone to violence and working things out with their fists and steel-toed boots, and girls prefer the talking you to death approach. Girls are sneaky. They go for your emotional well being when they get even, boys just get even and then they're done. Another difference between the sexes is illustrated perfectly by men being able to rib each other about their weight or gray hair or clothes. Mike and his friends are always insulting each other, and get this: they're still friends. Now I don't think of myself as overly sensitive by any stretch of the imagination, but if one of you poke my muffin top and make the Pillsbury Dough Boy noise, I will come after you like a spider monkey. And THEN I will go after your emotional well being.


  1. I'd leave a comment but I'm too busy eating ice cream and riding ponies...

  2. If you ever poke my muffin top you will come back with a nub for a finger...that's my comment! MEN??!!

  3. I absolutely LOVE reading your blog!!! You are hilarious!! Isaac is still under the impression that "maybe" means "yes" (I must have screwed up along the way and actually gave him what he wanted after saying "maybe"!) but he is slowly coming around to the realization that "maybe" does in fact mean "Never in a million years, plus twenty." ;~)

  4. Ok, I am going to post a comment and see if I've fixed my user name. If I haven't you will see a silly person's name instead of mine. Love, the Gwamma Luigi misses.

  5. I did! I did! I'd better hurry up and say something relevant before my daughter says nasty things about spam.

    I love that you took the kids to the beer factory. When can we take them wine tasting?

    And, yes, I love your blog, and not just because you write about some of the most adorable children in the world. You're witty, intelligent and YOU KNOW HOW TO SPELL!

  6. Okay, so I stink at leaving comments, but I always read your posts! And by the way I took absolutely no offense to the beer field trip! Science - in a way most kids would never have the chance to see. Happy blogging anniversary!

  7. I adore your blog! That's great that you are able to do something fun and entertaining for you and others and ignore the kids, house and homeschooling for a while (because it gives me a chance to do the same while I am reading it, and if I didn't have that opportunity sometimes, I would go COMPLETELY INSANE and I would TAKE YOU WITH ME! =)-stolen from Beetlejuice) So don't you dare stop blogging! Because I need a laugh once in a while! Us moms must stick together and keep our sense of humor. It is the only thing that keeps us from going completely homicidal sometimes! =)

    I want to take a fieldtip to the Budwiser factory now. Even though I can't stand their beer. I'm with Cora, I just want to steal a clidesdale! =)

    I love your kid translations. My kids still seem to think no means keep bugging until she caves, and maybe means that she's about ready to cave, unless you really piss her off, and then the answer is most definitely no.

    Boys ARE different than girls. I never understood this until I had my own. I had two sisters, and a much younger brother, who I totally didn't get at all growing up, but now that I have three boys of my own, I understand that when boys kick and punch each other, it is actually a form of greeting/showing affection. I have watched my five year old get into a fight with another boy at the park, and just when I think they are just about to kill each other, they are suddenly best of friends. It totally baffles me. My three pound each other on a daily basis, just to show the love. And instead of crying when they get pounded, the little ones just LAUGH! While I'm screaming, "STOP HURTING YOUR BROTHER!" You know, they don't find me very convincing when the one being pounded is cracking up. But apparently I only deliver Y chromisomes, so I suppose I will quit before I am hopelessly outnumbered. Oh, wait, it's already too late for that! And I always thought I was a tomboy! I feel like quite the girlie princess around here. It is way different than growing up with sisters, I will tell you!

    But don't take it personal when boys say they don't love you, because of course you mean the world to them. It simply means they are incapable of expressing the extent of emotion they feel for you at that moment. And when he kicks you in the shins, remember, it is just his way of showing affection! =) But if you really want validation, try leaving him with Daddy for a few hours... He will be on you like superglue the moment you return! =)

    OK, so do you feel loved now? If you do, I will stop rambling. But if you don't I can ramble some more! I am a girl, you know, so there is plenty where that came from!

    Love your witty writing as always! LYLAS! (Remember??) =) Celeste

  8. i tried to comment on your last post but it wouldn't let me. stupid computer. you can't take the kids to a field trip at the tattoo place because that's where i'm gonna take them. have to put down my ice cream and make the kids clean their room now

  9. Awww, thanks for the love, guys! (Even if half the comments are from my mommy). I'm gonna go all Sally Field on you now...

  10. U SOOOO funny, girl!!! Ahhhh. I almost woke up everyone in the house laughing. this house, when I say "maybe" my kids think, "YEAHHHHHHHHH!!! SHE SAID YEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!" Hmmmm. Does that make me a bad mother?