1. Strep throat. I have the world's smallest tonsils (direct quote from a specialist) and yet this particular sickness plagues me. Not fair. Curse you, Mr Strep, curse you!
2. Yelling at me across the house. If you'd like to yell something at me, please feel free to do so right in my ear.
3. Talking right through a movie or television show. Yes, Hobbes, I'm talking to you. I don't care if you are indeed correct about everything under the sun and the whole of TV world and its experts are wrong, keep it to yourself.
4. Being stuck at something long and boring without a book. Horrors!
5. Numbers. The older I get the more they get mixed up in my mind. Can you be dyslexic purely with numbers? This is how bad I am: if you leave me your phone number on my voice mail, I cannot retain the seven digits for the tiny space of time it takes to hang up the phone and attempt to dial it. I can't remember a single highway number, and when you live in Michigan there's a new highway every three feet. They all go to Flint or the Mackinac Bridge evidently. I get stage fright when I keep score during a card game. I don't like playing Cribbage because there are too many numbers involved. Eighteen two, fourteen six, please kill me.
6. Trying to pick out a pair of sunglasses. Last year the pair I bought made Mike burst out in mid-sentence, 'I can't take you seriously when you look like Willy Wonka!'
7. My least favorite movies of all time: My Super Ex-Girlfriend, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Made of Honor (sorry, Mariah), Gulliver's Travels, Wall-E (I'm sorry, but I was so bored I wanted to slit my wrists with something dull just for something to do), The Green Mile (yes, well-done, but I'm still having traumatic flashbacks and it's been a decade), Avatar (why this ridiculous "drama" that made me laugh like it was a comedy managed to win Academy Awards is beyond me. Again, sorry if I offend anyone there).
8. Otter Pop wrappers. They are under piece of furniture. And the little tippy tops that you have to cut off with scissors? On every counter. I'm pretty sure I haven't bought a pack of the little buggers for 2 years...why are they following me?
9. Fruit snacks. They're like crack for toddlers.
10. Intermittent, slow, remarkably frustrating internet connections. I'm beginning to think it'd be less irritating to not have internet at all than to have internet that works 50% of the time.
11. Mayo and sweet pickles.
12. Thinking too hard about where milk and eggs come from. Honestly I have no problem with thinking about where meat comes from, that's the odd part.
13. Lying with Gianni until he falls asleep. I know, I know!!! I'm supposed to enjoy it. Stop making me feel guiltier than I already do. You're here to be supportive, not judgmental, for cryin' in the night.
14. The guilt I feel for #13.
15. Pop music.
16. When my three year old hollers across a crowded room, 'Are you freakin' kidding me???' Sigh. Not to be outdone by "HOLY SNAP!"
17. Dishes in the sink. As often as I take a teen or small child or spouse by the hand and lovingly introduce them to the dishwasher and the dishwasher to the teen, small child, or spouse, they just can't seem to get along and instead refuse to acknowledge each others existence.
18. Not being able to finish a sentence without interruptions. Maybe it's a mom thing. Maybe it's 21st century thing. Maybe it's a house parenting thing. But someday I'd like to finish a sentence in whole without hearing 'MOM!' or 'AUNT MELYSSA!' We tried taping a hand printed sign on our door that said 'If you are not in need of first aid, you will be after knocking on this door.' It didn't work.
19. Not being able to follow through on hand printed signs due to pesky state laws and something about child abuse, yadda yadda yadda.