Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It's Not-Back-To-School Week!

Hubby mine was very insulted by the photo of the cribbage board propping open the window, so here you go, honey bunny, a photo showing off just how great you are! This lasagne concoction weighed in at a whopping 23 pounds and you can prop my windows open with one of our own children if it means you'll cook me crazy amounts of ooey gooey cheese with tomato sauce!
All a guy needs: the remote control, a greasy snack, and no clothes to constrict ya while watching ESPN.

We started school yesterday, and if we could just graduate tomorrow I'm sure we'd end on a high note. Our typical school year starts out nicely scheduled (actually I prefer the word 'routine' as opposed to something that plans out every single minute of my day without room for error/parenthood) and when that routine stops working well, usually about 6 weeks down the road, we toss it out the window and fly by the seat of our pants for a bit, only to work out yet another routine to get us through the holidays. This is our first year trying to school with a toddler literally climbing the walls around us, and thank goodness the girls are very independent learners and understand when Mommy has to search the house for Sir Poops-A-Lot, who by the by, has learned to climb up on the changing table and perch precariously there by his toenails while he smears cocoa butter all over the curtains (be thankful it's cocoa butter and not what he was smearing yesterday). When he is not doing that he is stuffing treasures between the fire place and the wall, into the insulation where, you guessed it, we recently found "Snow Dogs." He is also capable of opening each of our three gates in the back yard and since he is OCD enough to shut nicely every door behind him, it's difficult to deduce which way the little guy went. So now two are bungee corded shut and one is tied with the dog leash, all to his frustration. His first sentence was, 'Mama rocks!' That's right, kid, and that's how we roll.

In addition to the kid's school work, we have instituted a new method of punishment 'round here: The Dreaded And Hideous Chore Jar. This is full of little folded up pieces of paper with all the yucky chores printed on them. After not doing something they know they are supposed to do they get the wonderful opportunity of drawing from this jar. In the past two days alone, Anna has washed, dried, folded and put away one load of laundry, dusted everything in the house that is made of wood and cleaned every baseboard. Cora has scrubbed the same toilet from top to bottom twice. Oddly enough, they're finding it fun. Each time they draw something I cross my fingers and toes and chant, 'get the Clean Up Dog Poop one!' But no luck so far. The jar is atop the fridge in case they get sneaky ideas of marking the easy ones. Please don't think I am being too hard on them, they get these chores for not doing the basics of Being a Kid 101. We're talking things like taking a shower and using up all the hot water but somehow "forgetting" or "not having enough time" to use any soap/shampoo. Or for having to be told 16 times a day for 9 years to brush your teeth. Or, and this is my personal favorite and source of all Mommy turning the Incredible Hulk in 3 seconds flat, putting your shoes in the vague vicinity of the shoe basket (which we have three of) and not actually in the shoe basket (which we have three of).

Still unsure of where we will be living come new year, so if any of you have basements and would like some company...you know where to find us. We will keep the cocoa butter smearing in a contained area and promise not to misplace any of your movie collection. Or spit too often in your toilet, which is another of Baron Twerpy Von Twerpenstein's little past times. Especially if he's just consumed ridiculous amounts of blueberries...although it does turn your commode a lovely shade of violet.


  1. I wish we had a basement just so that you could come live in it! That would be a hoot, but alas, we have no basement, but you could still come visit :)

  2. you could live with us, but i can't put up with kids that can't put their shoes in the basket. sorry.

  3. The toy room is all tricked out and ready for a family of, well, whatever size your family may be by then! No shoe baskets here, just leave 'em lie and mommy dearest follows behind and picks them up.

  4. Alas, Lyssa we have a basement, but unfortunately, like you, we have dogs and children and messes and homework and lost/chewed up library books. Would you really want to expose your poor family to more of the same? I am SO stealing your chore jar idea, it rocks! I am definitely putting "picking up dog poop" in it too! And really, why is it that they cannot seem to get the shoes in the basket, we have a couple as well and usually we spend 20 minutes before any outing looking for shoes under every couch and/or bed. I am with you on that one sista!
    Love you!

  5. the chore jar sounds like a good idea . . . hmmmmm

  6. Wow, after reading your blog, I feel like I am letting my kids get away with murder! I think we need a chore jar around here! I usally just make Edan pick up around the house if he wants to earn TV or Video Game privledges, which works pretty well! =) Taran's not old enought to help too much yet, but he tries. He likes to hold the dustpan when I sweep, put the clothes in the dryer for me, mop (or at least play in the mop water!) and he would love to wash dishes for me if I would let him... I am a little afraid of what might happen to my dishes if I did! But at least I don't have to bribe him... yet. =)