BOYS

Boys are a funny breed.

For instance, they answer

Why??

to every question asked.

But if YOU ask THEM

Why??

they will stare at you, blankly, with absolutely no reply.


Let us revisit some of my only son's best antics, shall we?

And then, let us pour Mama a margarita, shall we?

Yes. Yes, we shall.

escaping nekked through windows

what happens when get high centered

first stitches

first merlot

eating packing peanuts (well, he's allergic to real ones!)

getting himself a drink of water at the age of 1

"want some butter, mom?"

he always left binkies at the scene of the crime

fish murderer

Barbie murderer

he had Alpo breath for at least two years (I'm not talking about the dog)

For an entire yr, he wore backwards pjs because he wouldn't stop with the gratuitous nudity

His friend, Q, poses nicely while G makes a mad escape

making long distance phone calls

I blame his rudeness on his father

going through my wallet for loose change

nekked jam session

sugar high face

And the latest: DIY haircutting

I Sleep in a Salad Bar

Or at least, it feels like one.

We have a television in our bedroom.

We have kids.

They snack. 

You do the math.

Sometimes when I roll over, popcorn kernels - you know, the old maids - go flying across the room and pitter patter across the hardwood floor with alarming noise.

Sometimes, I swear, I have croutons in body places there should not be croutons.

Wrappers between my toes, and gummies between my...well, never mind.

And someone's five year old (I'm looking at you, Mike Williams) colored with a highlighter on my bedspread. With his mother sitting right there, coloring her Megamind page and not even noticing! Can you believe it. Some people's parenting skills. So, now I have orange highlighter all over my bedspread, which is covered nicely by a Lightening McQueen blanket (romantic, I know. I should probably get a photo and pin it on Pinterest so you too can have the sexy getaway we call our boudoir) and food in the sheets.

Ah well. I like to think of the cracker crumbs as an exfoliating scrub that some women would pay upteen dollars for. And the hot cocoa scented pillow cases? Moisturizing and better smelling than the Axe body spray I bought Gianni for Christmas, which I had to hide posthaste because my eyes were bleeding from the odor emitting from his neck, like Pepe le Pew.

Speaking of Christmas, my eldest has inherited my holiday depression: sadness that all this merry making is over which starts around 2 days BEFORE Christmas. We started in with our depression last Saturday, and drank our weight in eggnog as we cried into our cheese ball. We perked up slightly by the sight of our gifts - well, she did anyway. She got a Kindle and I haven't seen her in 3 days now. I hope she's eating. I can just picture her emerging from her bedroom with a Rip Van Winkle beard, a withered old crone. Yes, a crone with a beard! Use your imagination.

In other news, the girls are enjoying school, though of course, they're off right now. In all the sold out theater for Les Mis, Anna was the only kid. I don't know whether other parents feel it was not appropriate for children (I covered her eyes during the prostitute scene) or if kids these days are uncultured ignoramuses. Good think I spelled ignoramuses correctly the first time, or I would have had to delete that whole ironic sentence. Anyway, she was enthralled since she's known every lyric since she was eight. The sequel to Shadows Gray will be out momentarily so naturally, I feel like throwing up. It's like giving birth, except - 

nah, it's nothing like giving birth, never mind.

But I am nervous. I hope you'll read it. 

I'll leave you with a quote from the G-ster:

Said to his father: "I love you more than Christmas and tacos."

Cora pipes up: "What about me?"

G, thinking hard: "I love you more than ... geckos."

(He only has a slight love for geckos, so no one knows if this is a compliment or an insult). 

And looky, looky, what Santa bought me!! A camera!!

" Thank you, baby Jesus, for being born so that I can risk burning down an entire church once a year in your memory." - The prayer of Gianni. Kinda like the Prayer of Jabez, except not.

 I love technology...but not as much as you, you see...No, I really love technology more.

What? Chocolate reindeer butts before 7 am? Why, don't mind if I do, old chap!

seasons

Winter in Southern Oregon:

Winter in Michigan:

 



                                                                      Winter in Idaho:

                                                                Winter in Wyoming:

                                                               Actually, Easter in Wyoming.

Chick Flicks: the Classics Collection

Now ALL of these are family friendly.

Unless you're a man, in which case, they are detrimental to your Man Card qualifications.

All the Anne of Green Gables from PBS.  From the pigtails to Marilla to Diana to the Lady of Shalot to the raspberry cordial, this movie is perfect.

Oh, Gilbert Blythe...making hearts flutter since 1908...

P.S. Ignore the last one in the series, made years later. It's weird and not based on the real books. Although it probably has some fine moments, I was too confused about the odd plot to notice.

The Colin Firth (what? was there anyone else in this movie? I didn't think so) miniseries, which is about 45 hours long and worth every bit of it, is the quintessential classic. It made Colin Firth...well, Colin Firth. I mean, Mr. Darcy. They are forever linked, let's put it that way.

The purists aren't as fond of this more recent version with Keira Knightley, but I found it perfectly luscious.

Of all the Fred and Ginger classics, this was always my favorite. You have no idea how many images of panty liners I had to wade through to find this photo for you, by the way.

Oh, Jimmy! He made many a fabulous chick flick, but this is my favorite. Hilarious cast and great writing (some days I pretend I'm the writer mom, other days I'm the batty ballerina sister).

As far as my boy, Cary, goes...well, it's a toss up between His Girl Friday and Bringing Up Baby. Both hilarious.  I wuv him ever so much.  And the only reason I'm not including Arsenic and Old Lace is because it deserves a blog of its very own.

And finally, The Thin Man movies:

Myrna Loy and William Powell were awesome. Their witty banter is something I hope for when I'm writing, and also what I base my marriage on. After love and fidelity and Cheez-its, naturally.

So, there you go! A Christmas list the girls in your life will thank you for.

Favorite Chick Flicks

Anna is old enough these days that she can enjoy a good romantic comedy with me. Although not my favorite genre, a good romantic chick flick cannot be beat! They're few and far between - maybe one in forty that trickle through theaters - but here are my (and Anna's) favorites:

This movie has the best cast ever. Bonnie Hunt and James Belushi are hilarious, David and Minnie are just right, and the boys in O'Reilly's (Irish Italian restaurant) are so sweet and funny. The best scene (well, one of them) is this one:

                               "I got sick on Swiss water once..."  

Other best quotes from this gem are:

"Whatever you do, don't shave your legs." "What? Why?" "Because then you won't let it go too far!" "Megan, it's a first date!" "Well, I married a first date, missy, and you know how it is. You're out with a guy, you find him funny and attractive, and suddenly everything he says sounds brilliant. Hairy legs are your only link to reality." "I think you should needlepoint that on a pillow." "I just might! It kept me a virgin till...y'know...whenever."

"What do you do?" "I'm a vet." "Yeah...I didn't go to Nam..."

"I think you should put your shirt on, honey. You're going to ruin Gracie for all other men." 

This one I wouldn't let Anna watch yet, due to the swearing (though it is in a British accent, which is decidedly less vulgar, I think) and the suicide scene (which is heart wrenching, and I love Toni Collette).  But those are some of the reasons I love it so much; it's not shallow. Which brings me to my favorite quotes:

"We thought you had hidden depths." "No, no! You've always had that wrong! I really am this shallow."

"I mean, he is such a SPECIAL boy! And he has a SPECIAL soul! And I've wounded it!"  "Oh please shut up. You're wounding my soul."

"As for his mum, she appears to be clinically insane and wearing some kind of yeti costume..."

I had to include this one even though it's shelved in my brain as a holiday movie and not a chick flick, and never the twain shall meet (is that the right expression?) because it is romantic and it is hysterical.  Best quotes (that my hubby and I quote all year round):

"Mistletoe...MISTLETOE!"

"My childhood was like the Shawshank Redemption except I didn't have some old, warm, black man to share my story with." 

"Yeeeeeeeessssss." 

We'll just call these the Steve Carell collection, shall we? The only one I'd let Anna watch is Dan in Real Life. Why?

Why, because I am the murder of love, that's why!


And we'll call this next one, the John Cusack collection:

Not child appropriate. But it's hard for hired gunmen to control their cursing.

"You must chill...I have taken your keys..."

This Sandra Bullock gem (above)? Or this one (below)?

Both extremely funny and the source of many a quote at our house.

Okay, that's it for now. I may have to make a Part II later. Also, a best of holiday flicks - but that could need its own blog.

What'd I miss?