Seven tiny ballerinas, lined up at the barre, ready to do their tondues. Pink, fluffy tutus, shiny buns, impossibly small leotards, on three year old bodies.
"Miss Melyssa?" I hear. Actually, she probably said "Miss Melyse?" Because my boss's name is Elyse and they tend to combine us. Like Brangelina.
"Yes, Gwen, do you need to go potty?" I stop, mid tondue.
"LOOK!" She points at her pink tights.
My eagle eyes see:
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But what I REALLY see and I'm sure she does too, is:
Not fearing a bit for my safety, my adrenaline kicked in.
Me:
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| Armor is very slimming. |
With the strength of ten men, plus two, I remove the hideous monster from her leg and smash it to smithereens with my ballet shoe. It is easily larger than my shoe, and the pink is covered in spider goo and blood and gore. *
"You killed my spider!" Her eyes are big as saucers and her voice quavers.
The rest of the ballerinas look at me as if I just put five rounds of bullets in Minnie Mouse or throttled the life out of Mrs Claus.
Evidently, they make ballerinas tougher these days.
I apologized for saving their lives and we went back to tondues.
*not really
P.S. You have no idea what I went through googling images of spiders for you. Really. I deserve some major chocolate, decadent coffee drinks, blogging awards, or copious amounts of Merlot for what I do for you three readers.
Well, the devotion you have shown, on behalf of your readers is humbling- at best. If i were to, hypothetically of course, google photos of *shudder* snakes *double shuddet/gag*, i would certainly need therapy and meth.
ReplyDeleteJust kidding about the meth.
Anyway, you are my hero and were you ever to save my life from a *shudder* snake *double shudder/gag*, i would certainly thank you.
Well, probably not because I would likely die from the shock of the ordeal. But in heaven I'd be telling the angels all about you.
Thank you for understanding my trauma! I will totally google snake pics for you, should the need ever arise. Snakes don't bother me!
DeleteWhy don't you have graham crackers in your armor?
ReplyDeleteThey're in a secret compartment, silly.
DeleteYou definitely deserve a Blogger of the Year award. The pictures remind me of high school, when my so-called "friends" dragged me to the theater and forced me to watch Arachnophobia with them. I still carry the emotional scars.
ReplyDeleteI still carry emotional scars from seeing the trailer for that flick! You can bet I will never, never, EVER watch it. amen.
DeleteI'm not afraid of spiders, I'm not interested in ballet, I don't [currently] have a job or children, but... I find your blog the only one worth following at the moment. Perhaps it only because I haven't seen better, but I prefer to think it's because *I* was homeschooled, and if I had kids, I'd probably be a lot like you. That, and I wanted to point out you have more than three readers. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou're the sweetest fourth follower on planet earth!
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