Friday, August 24, 2012
A Dapper Boy Have I
So the man cub has morphed from Dirty Goat Boy into a dapper, jaunty little gentleman lately. This is because his daddy squirted him with cologne a couple weeks ago, before church, and told him,
"All the girls will find you irresistible now. They won't be able to stop kissing and hugging you."
You'd think, wouldn't you, that he would have found this gross, since he is 4, not 14, but nope. A sparkle came into his brown eyes the likes of which I'd never seen.
He sidled up to me, right under my nose. When I stared blankly at him, he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
And Daddy was right! I couldn't stop kissing and hugging him.
The problem now is two fold:
1. He won't stop applying it. It's a little much for a wee boy. You can smell him coming a mile away. I keep hiding it. He keeps finding it. And the eyebrow waggling begins anew and with endless passion.
2. I used to be attracted to it. Because my man wore it. On special occasions. You know? For kissing and hugging? And now it smells like my son. I'm confused.
And lest you worry about him becoming a dandy, a pansy, a well coiffed boy with a European shoulder bag... Don't fret. He still won't bathe.
Which makes the cologne even harder to swallow.
Because now it's Mountain Breeze mixed with chickens mixed with dirt mixed with graham cracker mixed with Ranch dressing.
A dandy he is not. Dapper, he is. A dapper rake.
Women, hold back your daughters.