Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Why Walmart is the Devil's Lair

No, it's not their shady practices.

The way they take over the world, one yellow smiley face at a time.

It's not their greeters, or their lack of greeters.

It's not even their clientele. 

They are the MOST expensive store in the world.

Worse than Macy's!
Worse than Dillard's!
Worse than Whole Foods!

Lemme give you a rundown:

Oranges: $50
Face wash: $50
Loaf of bread: $50
Gum: $50
Swing set: $50

That's right, everything in Walmart is $50.

This is the only explanation for why I can drop by for a lemon and three bobby pins and spend $50. 

I hate Walmart. 

Oh, while I'm here I'll just pick up some paper towels.

Well, we'll run out of trash bags eventually. Might as well grab four boxes.

It's not like we'll ever stop using toilet paper; guess I'll grab some.

Oh, look! shoes!

And what do we have? A fifty dollar lemon.

I won't go back! You can't make me! I don't care how badly I need dog food, scotch tape, and bread crumbs! I will go to Dog Food R Us, the Scotch Tape Factory, and Bread Crumbs Unlimited! 

Who's with me?! 


  1. You must have a discount Walmart where you live. Here in Fargo, everything at Walmart costs $100.

    1. I should feel lucky then, huh?? I'm trying! But I want my $43 back!!

  2. Just walking in to Wal-Mart gives me a panic attack.