Monday, November 15, 2010

Viewer Discretion is Advised

No,no, this post will not be about anything naughty.  Get your minds outta the gutter, folks, for goodness sake.  No, it's simply about the Big Guy.  The Jolly Elf.  The Man in the Red Suit.

And the only reason viewer discretion is advised, is just in case some little eight year old is reading my blog.  Which is highly unlikely.  But far me it from me to dash their childhood dreams.

How much do I love this guy?
Quite a lot.

Every year some well meaning, but totally irritating child tells my children (who also can be well meaning and totally irritating) that there is no Santa.

They never believe the child.

Cora is ten.  She still believes.  I love that kid.

 Incidently, I also love this print.

The only difficult thing about Santa is the gifts.  According to Anna:

'Don't worry about the cost of what I'm asking for Mom, Santa has it covered!'

Amazingly, they've never asked for a pony or a jet.

But they've come dangerously close this year.

Anna wants an American Girl doll.

Somebody please kill me.

Do you even know what those dang things cost?

I could find a cheaper pony.  Still have my feelers out for a less expensive jet.

Also hoping she will do something terribly naughty so I can just fill her stocking with cheap coal.

And here's the other kicker:  in order to PROVE beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a Santa, Cora has decided to let no one - and I do mean no one - know what she wants for Christmas.  The letter will be written, she will walk it to the mailbox herself, and she will wait until the designated postal service worker drives up, and personally hand it to her, so that NO ONE can tamper with it.

Crappity crap crap.

Pardon my french.

I now have to follow the postal worker to retrieve the envelope and plead for it back, which is most likely a federal offense.  Then I will be taken to court where hopefully a nice lawyer and his girlfriend and Natalie Wood will all be there for me, cheering me on, and where we can all prove together that there is a Santa Claus. 

Now don't start telling me how you were right in not ever telling your kids there was a Santa to begin with.   Tawni, hush up and go light your menorah.  I still freakin' love Santa.  Love the trees, love the lights, love the presents, love the cranberry sauce and the holiday music and the birthday cake for 6 pound 8 ounce baby Jesus.  Love every holiday movie ever made.  Quote em all year round.  Love everything Santa stands for...but I may be up a creek this year.
And how.

Will they be devastated to learn the truth?  And will that inevitable day be this year?  I wanna cry at the thought.   I remember the year when the girls were about seven and six and we slept Christmas Eve at the High House.  Andy Kohler helped us play the jolly elf and marched around the deck in his heavy boots, ringing sleigh bells.  Oh my heart.  The girls were so enchanted and DESPERATE to get to sleep.  It was adorable.  And stumbling out each Christmas morning, rubbing their eyes, heading over to the glow of the tree, ready to see what Santa brought down the chimney?  Oh my.  Nothing better. 

Please, baby Jesus, let it last one more year before they grow up on me and elope with a gang of tatted up bikers.



  1. ***SOAPBOX ALERT***
    I too love everything about Christmas including Santa. I even love that the stores begin putting out holidayware in September. Bring it on, baby.
    I have decided I will never again apologize to anyone about my love of Santa. Who else do we know that loves us unconditionally, wants us to do right, lives in a place so wonderful we can't even imagine it, knows when we are sleeping and when we are awake, and wants to lavish us with blessings? Yep...God! Now I am not saying Santa is like God by any means (or even metaphorically close)but I will say that having felt special to Santa as a kid really helped me understand God's heart when I became a Christian as an adult. It also taught me to believe in something I cannot see which helped me understand faith. Though I have tried at the urging of Santa hating fellow Christians, I can't think of one bad thing that believing in Santa did to me as a child (or an adult).It certainly didn't damage my relationship with God, quite the contrary. Go figure.
    As far as the lights and trees and excess of decoration....more is more. Though we worship Christ daily and Dec. 25th isn't really his birthday, we celebrate Him with the biggest bestest birthday party for 6lb 8oz baby Jesus ever and I love it. Contrary to some, I don't worshp a tree on Christmas, it's just the focal point of my party decorations...and besides, have you read the decsriptions of heaven in the Bible?How over the top will heaven be? There may even be twinkle lights...who knows! Bring it all on!

  2. Remember the year when cora tried so hard to go to sleep and kary wouldn't be quiet? Cora was so sure that santa would fly right over the high house because of it! If they start doubting santa this year, then u need to tell them what you told me: that santa takes turns with parents each year so it is more fair. I really believed that for a long time, and we all know how suspicious i am! As for the letter, i think some post offices and stores have a box for santa letters, im not sure if bribing a worker to open the letter and tell u what it says will work or not but its worth a try! Or maybe have the kids all put their letters in a oversized envelope that "had to be taken to the post office because its too big for the mailbox" and have one of u grab it that way. I'll try to talk to her and see if she'll even tell aly or Kary what she wants........
    And i agree with gen! santa etc. isn't something evil or distracting but a easy way for kids to get closer to something they can't see. my girls have even been known to pray for Jesus to watch over santa too. So hang your stockings and say your prayers 'cus santa will be coming soon!

  3. OK Sis, Here is my sneaky side coming out. Give her a stack of papers to write on and hide a sheet of carbon paper under a couple of the sheets. When she is done writing put them up and take her to mail the letter. When you guys are out mailing the letter Mike can grab the carbon paper and the sheet under and there you have it, a Christmas wish list from Cora. Good luck! Bri-Bro

  4. I was a skeptic since the day I was born. It didn't matter how hard my parents tried to convince me, I didn't believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, magic, dragons, or even God as a child. I don't know why. I believe in God and magic and fairies now. I even believe in Santa. I had to learn that believing didn't always mean seeing. That some things you just see with your heart. I love it that my boys believe in all of those things. I love it that your kids do, too. And I do know that Christmas is the time for miracles. And I believe in those now, too. Check Ebay for American girl dolls. I have a friend who bought one used online for a discount for her daughter. I don't know about the letter, but ask your postal carrier before she sends it, and maybe they have a special Santa drop box or something. Best wishes and bright blessings for a merry Santa-filled Christmas.

  5. "It's the most wonderful time of the year".....oh my gosh! I love Santa! And God! And the Easter Bunny! And Bon Jovi! Wait a minute....he's real.....makes it so much better!!! Anyway, lost my train of thought. I only pray our girls will keep this up for another couple of years. Besides, even after I "found out" my mom STILL signs presents with Santa's signature. We can keep it alive FOREVER.

    As for American Girl Doll, it was totally on Sadie's list too. Kiss it good-bye. Actually, check Craigslist. That's where I found Isaac's nintendo ds for $50. Apparently Sadie and Anna are two peas in a pod in first of all convincing Isaac to ASK for a DS b/c "Santa can do anything." When do I tell her that mom and dad can't?