Sunday, May 20, 2012

Procrastination. I will think of a better title later.


What you do instead of getting your homeschooled children ready for their state achievement testing.

Never mind that they've never taken a test in their bloomin' lives.

Never mind that they don't know how to color in those bubbles.

Never mind that we've skipped spelling this month.
That makes it eleven years in a row.

Never mind that they will more than likely spell their own names wrong at the top of the page.

And that they don't know to raise their hands if they have to go to the bathroom, and will, most likely, wander off without permission, causing State Achievement Police to scale the walls and attack them and take them down.

Never mind that I could be doing multiplication drills right now, this very second, in the hopes that something will stick, and instead I sit...
Eating smoked chedder and Garlic Butter Ritz.
Sipping Malbec.
Recovering from sitting in the sun all weekend while Cora had a swim meet.

Does it matter if she doesn't know how to spell Constantinople if she can swim a wicked back stroke?

Will there be a page for Anna to list every character of Les Mis?

I thought not.

It would be odd for me to write for homeschool magazines if I am forced to put my own children in public school. I think it could be a prerequisite or something for me to homeschool my kids. I hear the state of Oregon does not want, and in fact, gets annoyed, if you try to force them to look at homeschooled children's test scores, even though they require you to take the tests. This does not cheer me.  Because I will more than likely, be the first that they demand. And when my children are shown to have the IQs of eggplants, I will have to answer to them. And I don't like being put on the spot. I will be unable to spell my own name and I will rush off to the bathroom without permission, and then the whole police debacle will happen all over again.

Let us pray.

For a sudden Southern Oregon flood or earth quake, the state approved tester to be taken suddenly with gout, or for my children to suddenly grow their brains by one million percent. You choose.



  1. Aren't you supposed to be praying??

  2. State testing is a surefire way to set a homeschooling mamma into panic mode. I congratulate you for eating cheese and crackers (that sounded delicious) instead of chocolate.

  3. Oh, there was chocolate...just neglected to mention it, is all...

  4. I always chuckle when I pray for you!