Sunday, July 3, 2011

Classifieds - Employment

Employment opportunities:

Opera singing/tractor driving/German and Italian speaking/preacher/pharmaceutical sales rep/technological genius/romantic/collector of useless trivia/pyromaniac/football coach/guitar player/never-been-beat arm wrestler looking for work.  College graduate ($30,000 in Musical Performance degree student loan bills can be provided as proof upon request).  Cooks Italian food.  May or may not have mafia ties...forgettaboutit!  Can name any Star Trek episode within five seconds of stopping on that particular channel.  Easily memorizes movie quotes and '80s song lyrics.  Able to play any song on the guitar, providing there are no more than four chords.  Expert campfire starter.  Not opposed to jazz hands if the occasion calls for it.  Does impressions.  Will work for food.  And board.  Comes with wife (see below), three children, and a dog.  




Ballerina/barista/child birther/home chef/bibliophile/seamstress/writer looking for work.  Homeschool graduate (if she can find Mom's handmade diploma) '96.  Attended Boise State University as a non-degree seeking student for four years because she was too dimwitted to realize she'd be there for four years and therefore could have gotten a degree for all her hard work.  Makes excellent espresso drinks.  In fact, they could probably make you cry, they're that sublime.  Able to French braid small girl's hair in record time and with excellent results.  Impeccable chauffeuring record.  Has successfully potty trained three humans, unless you count the unfortunate episode yesterday where there may or may not have been human fecal substances in Aunt Lary's flowers.  Ahem.  Fierce book collector/rearranger.  Completely useless in any field that may involve a number of any kind.  Knows Pilates, but proof of that knowledge may involve gasping desperately for oxygen.  Expert shopper.  Blogs in a witty manner that will ultimately cause you to fire her posthaste.  Would prefer employment in used bookstore vineyard if possible.  Doesn't know a Cab Sav from a Sangiovese but would really enjoy learning.  Needs time off frequently for snuggles with children, kisses with husband, pasta with friends, and antique books that beg to be read.  Comes with one spouse (see above), three children, and a dog.  Dog does all his own stunts.  




Contact below for immediate interviews.  

8 comments:

  1. "Doesn't know a Cab Sav from a Sangiovese but would really enjoy learning." Ummm...I have a job for you! :) And if you are interested in essential oils, I can hook you up there too. Sounds like the only thing you haven't tried is MLM, so c'mon...let's give it a shot! LOL

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  2. My boys have "popped a squat" in some of our friends & families back yards too. Don't feel bad. It's a boy thing. In fact, Micah once did that on the Dillon's back patio. No, that's not all I got out of your post. Mike can come cook for us, but I can only pay him in brownies.

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  3. What the dickens is MLM? Is that like LSD? My gracious, Kelly, you know I'd never indulge. Now a little JBJ? Oh but of course.

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  4. Silly goose...it's just multi-level marketing (I just didn't see it on your amazing lists of qualifications)! I'd never ask you to do anything I wouldn't do! (hee hee!) You're adorable.

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  5. Well, you certainly both are not without skills and experiences! There should be something just around the corner.

    BTW, if you'd like to see what EOU could do for a degree, we'd be happy to take a look at that 4 yrs worth of transcript. Eastern offers a variety of degrees, including Liberal Studies-- which is an individualized kind of degree usually made up by plugging 2 minors together... I'm thinking possibly a literature, writing, health &/or anth/soc combo?? [Bonus: Student loans could be a form a income to help sustain your family in the interim; and, you could complete your degree online from anywhere so in case Dad finds himself returning to school, you could still continue on.] We have an advisor in Ontario; so you wouldn't even have to come to La Grande. Just sayin'. (Email me if you want to know more.)

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  6. id comment but im to busy cleaning up gianni poop from my back yard...........................

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  7. Following Time 4 Mommy. Hope you return the follow.

    www.dudsordeals4moms.com

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  8. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

    This post is too funny! I hear ya on the poop! lol

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