Saturday, July 30, 2011

Wanted: Editor

Wanted:  Editor for what will most likely be a poorly written, smallish novel, to be self published by author and PubIT! Barnes and Noble's ultra cool ebook publishing company.

Qualifications: Good speller, good with grammar, knows when to use then and when to use than, excellent with punctuation.  Ruthless, but not too ruthless.  Honest.  

Applicants who have either:  watched me grow up from a close distance, seen me give birth, know my whole family's birthdays, know my middle name and maiden name, know my sister's natural hair color, need two hands and two feet to count the number of years we've known each other, can't say anything that might hurt my feelings, etc, need not apply.  

Applicants who have backgrounds in English, creative writing, education, or just someone who just loves to read books and is one of those people who is constantly correcting people's grammar, will be considered.

This is a volunteer position.  That's right, no dough involved.  I have no income, people!  If I become, like my husband dreams, the next JK Rowling, I will most certainly buy my editor a country home in Europe.  Or a cabana in Fiji. Or an igloo in Alaska.  Whatever floats their boat.  Otherwise...yeah.  There's really nothing in it for you.  

Art work is being done by the lovely and talented Genesis Kohler.

Oh.  The book - which is a whole three pages at this point - is well...hmm...a genre for you...YA/Teen fantasy/gothic suspense?  Something like that?

All kidding aside, I do need someone I can email chunks to who will indulgently delete excess comas and tell me I have three characters named Bob.  Or no characters named Bob and a character named Bob is needed.  Those kind of things.  I'm a pretty good speller, but I tend to throw in extra punctuation in the defense that it's like chocolate;  if a little is good, more must be better.  

Also I need that someone to tell me I am terrible and to take up underwater basket weaving immediately.

In fact, I think I'll just tell myself that and save you the trouble.  This whole book idea is silly.  Nevermind.

No, wait!  Nevermind the nevermind.

I need someone to tell me that never mind is actually two words.  I'm desperate without you, o editor mine.

And if no one volunteers I have several people in mind, so don't make me actually have to ask you personally and get shot down.  Let's save the rejection for when the thing is actually published, OK? OK.

I'm too scared to hit the Publish Post button.  You all are gonna keep me accountable for this whole novel thing, aren't you?


  1. I don't think I'd be a great editor for you because you're better with grammar than I am & you're a better writer. It's just a fact, so don't pretend you're not. :) But I sure would LOVE to read your work.......and I'd tell ya if I saw anything wonky! My little brother is writing a book. He's an excellent story teller......not so great with grammar (worse than me), so I am "helping" him. But I also get to read his awesome story, so he thinks I'm "helping". Haha. Fooled him! Mostly it's just me who's getting something out of it. So, if you don't mind that I'll be the only one getting something out of it, I'm your gal! ;)

  2. Wait a second; you're telling me that you're not a qualified editor. . .but you were Justin's editor?!?! To my thinking, it seems that you are over-qualified and under-confident. I'm willing to be your cheerleader. Go Melyssa!!!

  3. I can't to read your book, but I'm definitely not qualified to criticize anyone's writing!

  4. Lorna, I was Justin's extra pair of eyes, and now I need an extra pair of eyes!

  5. Melyssa, I'm not volunteering for the job-- I think I did not meet your test, any way-- but I applaud you for putting yourself out there.

    I'm pretty sure that JK did a lot of writing before she hit pay-dirt. So, that's what it's all about... you'll never get better if you don't just dive in and start cranking out the words.

    Good luck to you on your endeavor. You really can do this!

  6. Happy to do it, and I'm a purdy gud spellar.
    (Seriously, though, I'm decent at editing.)

    Amy K.

  7. I could do it for you! I'm pretty good at the editing thing :)

  8. I couldn't edit your work.

    You make me laugh too much.


  9. my dear girl, you are absolutely hilarious.

    while i can not edit for you, as i am about to emerge myself (in 21 days) in a coma of rewrites, I do subscribe to a few amazing writers blogs that give the BEST advice... i would pass them along to you- IF I had an email address. :)

  10. I'll do it- truly. Oh and don't use my blog as evidence of my writing/editing abilities. I write late at night and only edit if I happen to catch something later ; )

  11. I've recently discovered your blog, so I have no previous ties with you to drag us both into destruction... I have just left a job as a writing teacher, newspaper editor, online editor... and I am in need of an unbiased person to edit my own book... Wanna trade services? You can check my writing at and contact me through there if you're game. :)