Wanted: Editor

Wanted:  Editor for what will most likely be a poorly written, smallish novel, to be self published by author and PubIT! Barnes and Noble's ultra cool ebook publishing company.


Qualifications: Good speller, good with grammar, knows when to use then and when to use than, excellent with punctuation.  Ruthless, but not too ruthless.  Honest.  


Applicants who have either:  watched me grow up from a close distance, seen me give birth, know my whole family's birthdays, know my middle name and maiden name, know my sister's natural hair color, need two hands and two feet to count the number of years we've known each other, can't say anything that might hurt my feelings, etc, need not apply.  


Applicants who have backgrounds in English, creative writing, education, or just someone who just loves to read books and is one of those people who is constantly correcting people's grammar, will be considered.


This is a volunteer position.  That's right, no dough involved.  I have no income, people!  If I become, like my husband dreams, the next JK Rowling, I will most certainly buy my editor a country home in Europe.  Or a cabana in Fiji. Or an igloo in Alaska.  Whatever floats their boat.  Otherwise...yeah.  There's really nothing in it for you.  


Art work is being done by the lovely and talented Genesis Kohler.


Oh.  The book - which is a whole three pages at this point - is well...hmm...a genre for you...YA/Teen fantasy/gothic suspense?  Something like that?


All kidding aside, I do need someone I can email chunks to who will indulgently delete excess comas and tell me I have three characters named Bob.  Or no characters named Bob and a character named Bob is needed.  Those kind of things.  I'm a pretty good speller, but I tend to throw in extra punctuation in the defense that it's like chocolate;  if a little is good, more must be better.  


Also I need that someone to tell me I am terrible and to take up underwater basket weaving immediately.


In fact, I think I'll just tell myself that and save you the trouble.  This whole book idea is silly.  Nevermind.


No, wait!  Nevermind the nevermind.


I need someone to tell me that never mind is actually two words.  I'm desperate without you, o editor mine.


And if no one volunteers I have several people in mind, so don't make me actually have to ask you personally and get shot down.  Let's save the rejection for when the thing is actually published, OK? OK.


I'm too scared to hit the Publish Post button.  You all are gonna keep me accountable for this whole novel thing, aren't you?